You wake up in the kitchen. Do you want [[eggs]] or [[spam]]?Tasty eggs, yo. A lovely tasty egg that leads to a golden chicken! [[Eat Chicken]] or [[Kiss Chicken]]
Or.. Eat them eggs
[[Swiggity swalt pass me the salt]]
[[Ah man needs some pepper and jam]]
Spam is meat made out of other meats. When you eat it you need to make some up-chuck. Will it be the [[sink]], or will you attempt the [[bathroom]]?You run to the sink and let it all out. You feel better, but a wizard crawls out of the drain. "What's going on turd blossom?"
[[Nothing]].
[[Why were you in my sink]]?
[[I'm good. You]]?The bathroom is upstairs. You don't even make it past the third stair when you hurl. You stumble back a few steps and feel upset that you ruined your oak floor. Just as you're about to go get the mop, one of the steps tops flies open, and a wizard pops out. You not that he's not wearing any pants as he says, "Hello travler! Do you seek the treasure, as I do and have been for the last one thousand years!?"
[[I'm good dude. But thanks.]]
[[Yes...]]
[[I like treasure.]] "Nothing." you say. The wizard laughs and shakes his belly.
"Oh ho!" he aims his magic wand at you and you turn into a turtle."Why were you in my sink?" you ask, curiously.
"I was chasing turtles. Farewell!""I'm good. You?"
"I fare. I have a quest for you."
[[Oh]].
[[Let's-a go]]!
[[Nah fam]]."Oh." the wizard looks sad at your response and moons you. He doesn't budge. What do you do?
[[Spank him like the naughty wizard he is.]]
[[Call the police.]]
[[Leave.]]
[[Close your eyes and imagine your ex lover.]]The wizard doesn't like Mario, and turns you into a turtle.He never had a family. You upset him and he turns you into a turtle.You give him a proper spank. He moans in pleasure then turns into a turtle. You taxidermy him and keep him on your shelf forever more.The police come and the wizard turns them all into turtles and flies off into the sunset.You leave and never see him again, but you do get packages with turtles in them every Wednesday.Your ex lover takes you away to that happy place. When you open your eyes, the wizard is gone."I'm good dude. But thanks", you say. The wizard laughes and says,
"Oh ho! You thought I was offering you a quest!" you shrug. He turns you into a turtle. It's great."Yes..." you lie. Luckily for you, this wizard is impervious to lies and says, "Verry good!" he opens a portal and goes through it.
[[Follow]]
[[Take a nap]]
[[Slap the portal]]
[[Look for a turtle]]"I like treasure", you say. But the wizard looks very offended and turns you into a turtle.Yahoo! And adventure! You close you eyes and leap through the portal. When you feel your feat hit the groudn, you open your eyes. You're inside a whale! The wizard comes running up to you and says, "Eek! The protal was a trick! We went to Whales!" you want to say something about whales, but decide that there are more important things to do.
[[Find the exit]]
[[Eat the whale]]
[[Mug the wizard]]You decide that this whole ordeal is taking a lot of work. You go to bed and take a nap. Sadly, the wizard turns your heart into a turtle and you die. You slap the side of the portal. Sadly, this is a fire portal and you burst into flames. Sorry mate.You get a sudden urge to look for turtles. You drop on your knees (which hurts, seeing how you're on the stairs) and start looking. The wizard pops his head through the portal and asks, "What are you doing?"
"Looking for turtles", you say.
"Oh!" he replies. He pulls out his wand and turns you into a turtle then places you in front of a mirror.
"There", he says cheerfuly. "You found a turtle."I know!" you exclaim. The wizard looks at you hopefully.
"We need to find the exit!" the wizard slaps his forhead.
"Of course!" he says. The two of you twirl around, trying to find and exit.
"Found it!" you yell. Across the way is a red glowing sign that says "exit". You take off after it, followed by the wizard. You get to a wooden door.
"Aha!" the wizard says as he points his finger into the air.
"This leads to the treasure!" he kicks the door down and jumps through. You follow. You fall Alice in Wonderland style, then land in a grassy meadow. Off in the distance you can see a castle.
[[Go to castle]]
[[Smell a flower]]
[[Smell the wizard]]You love sea food, and think of this as a buffet. You sit down and start a' munchin'. When you take the last bight of the whale, water floods in and you drown.You realise that nobody is around, and find this as a perfect opportunity to make some cash. You grab a nearby shank and stick it under the wizards ribs. "Give me yo' cash", you say with the most threatening voice you can muster. The wizard puts his hands up.
"My wallet is in my left pocket!" he yelps. You reach down for his left leg. But you forgot that he wasn't wearing any pants, therefor he doesn't have any pockets. He grins at you, and after a moment you grin at him. Then he turns you into a turtle."What to do?" the wizards asks. You feel bad for him. He looks confused. And idea comes to mind.
"I know, we can go to the castle." the wizard spins around to face you.
"What did you say?" you point to the castle.
"There", he spins back around and looks at the castle. He jumps and clicks his heels, he's so happy.
"Let's go!" he bellows and the two of you walk up the meadow.
When you get to the castle, you notice a donkey in front of the gate. The wizard puts his hand in front of you and says, "Leave this to me", he strides forward and danced for the donkey. The donkey moves and the two of you walk in.
"The treasure is close by, I know it", the wizard looks like he knows what he's talking about. You nod and get excited.
"Where to first, young boy?"
[[Dungeon]]
[[Princess tower]]
[[Treasure room]]There's a particuarlly pretty flower next to you. You pick it up, ready to get smellin'. But before you can, it yells at you.
"Oy! What do I look like to you, a turtle?!" you're shocked. How could a flower be so rude to you? You tap the wizard on the shoulder and show him.
"Oh my!" he says. "I know just the thing!" he snaps his fingers and a nuclear explosion happens in Anartica. The ice melets and you all drown.You lean forward, where the wizard is standing and sniff. Pleasure fills your bones. The wizard turns to you and waves his wand. The two of you are in weading clothes. You're so excited to finally get married. Just as the priest is about to tell you to kiss each other, the wizard waves his wand once more. You turn into a turtle.
"Aha! A fancy turtle!" he giggles then takes you home and shows you off to the other turtles."The dungeon?" you suggest.
"Of course!" the wizard says, and the two of you are off.
You run to the dungeon, along the way you battle and duel evil knights. When you get to the dungeon, the guards are already gone. The wizard notices your confusion and says, "I informed them we were coming", of course he did. You feel silly but move deeper into the dungeon. There's a table with some keys on it.
"Look!" you say. The wizard walks over.
"Very good, my boy!" he grabs the keys and unlocks the nearest cell door. It swings open.
"The treasure's inside! It has to be!" the wizard says as he shoves you into the cell. You look around.
"I don't see it", you say. You're telling the truth. It's spotless. Before the wizard can reply, the cell door swings shut. You look at the wizard, total betrayel in your heart.
"How could you?" you say.
"Twas' not me, child!" the wizard says just as a beam of black light shoots past his face. You both turn to the side. Another wizard is standing there, with pants.
"Who is that?" you say.
"It's my evil brother. Run!" he pulls out his wand and you run forward. But you forgot there was a door. Your head slams into the metal bars and you're knocked out cold When you wake up, you're a turtle and the wizards are gone. At least now you can escape!"Let's save the princess!" you say. The wizard laughs and says,
"Top thinking!" the two of you burst of to the tallest tower, battleing dragons the entire way. When you defeat the last dragon at the top of the longest flight of stairs, you hear a spooky noise. The wizard flings himself up against the nearest wall, and shakes.
"What's the matter?" you ask.
"I'm scared, child. Ever since I was a small boy I've been afraid."
...
"Of what?" you ask. You seem to have triggered something within the wizard, because he jumps upright and says, "to the princess!"
He kicks down the princess's door and marches in, you following. Across the room on a bed, is the princess, fast asleep. You and the wizard scurry over and kneel down at her bedside.
"We've come to save you", you say.
"Indeed", says the wizard.
"You have to kiss me or I'll never wake from my slumber", the princess exclaims. You and the wizard share a look, then you nudge him. He gulps and stands up. He leans over the princess, who's lips are puckered. He looks down at you, obviously very uncomfortable. You wink at him, then he kissed her.
You all turn into turtles.You think for a moment. What could possibly work? Then you remember the childhood stories your mamie used to read you.
"The treasure room!" you yell.
"Ah, but of course!" the wizard yells back. The two of you run through the castle, battleing evil butlers and maids the whole way. Eventually you make it to a room with a golden lock.
"What now?" you ask. The wizard grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around so that you're face to face.
"You have to say the magic words", he says as he hands you his wand. You glance at it, then back to him. You feel very unsure.
The door waits your words.
[[I'll try]]
[[Open saysa' me]]
[[Flip florp!]]
[[What time is it?]]You've never used magic before, so this is a little intimidating for you. You role your sleeves back and get in the best magic stance you can think of.
"Do it!" the wizard yells.
"I'll try", you say. Suddenly, the door creaks and groans. The two of you look at it as is slowly opens up. It stops about halfway, and the wizard heel clicks.
"I knew you could do it!" he says excitedly.
"I guess deep down inside, I did too", the wizard sheds a tear at the beautiful words then hurridly wipes it away.
"There isn't time for that now. We need the treasure!" he runs past you into the treasure room. You follow. When you get inside, the door slams shut behind you. But you don't mind, because you're in a room filled with mountains and mountains of gold!
"Gadzooks", the wizard says. But you're a more practical mind, and say,
"How will we get all this treasure back?" the wizard roll his eyes at you.
"How I solve any problem, my boy", you nodd, feeling very silly with yourself.
"Magic," you say.
"Magic? Psha! Of course not. Hard work!"
The EndYou remember th Loony Toons cartoons you watched when you were just a child.
"Open saysa' me", you demand. The door frowns, then says,
"Why do you have to be so bossy?" you suddenly feel very uncomfortable. You look to the wizard, who put hsi hands up. Now you don't know what to do. The two of you stand there in awkward silence until you die.You remember the magic words your grandmother told you when you were still a tadpole.
"Flip florp!" you yell. The door swings forward, smashing you and the wizard.You strain your brain trying to think of a good magic word. Then it occurs to you that it might be lunch time. You turn to the wizard.
"What time is it?" the wizard shrugs.
You can't eat a Golden Chicken, you crazy?! You're going to break ya' teeth.It was a kiss like no other~ It suddenly impulses the hidden feelings within that you have about...
[[Disco Fever]]
[[Ham]]
[[Flyin' Goats]]
Your Disco Fever feelings have been brought to surface. You can't help but start doing those groovy moves of yours. Until the end of time, you shall have the Disco Fever.Ham. Such a unique food. You still can't get over that Christmas when...
[[Aunt Ann had that ham fiasco]]
[[The ham that ate the cat]]
[[You thought ham was a good idea as a christmas present for your little sister]]Wow, flyin' goats..Who knew? How do you accomplish this? First you need a goat. Then what..?
[[Chicken Wings]]
[[Duct Tape with feathers]]
[[Pizza]][[Ham Everywhere]]
[[All Ham was Banned]]You should have been watching the ham cook. It got too hungry and ate your cat Gary...Sad times..I guess you really don't know her then.
[[1.) She is vegetarian]]
[[2.) She would like a pony]]All there was to eat was ham. Nothing else. All you wish you had was
[[Another plate of ham]]
[[Just one drop of soda]]Double-click this passage to edit it.That year..There was throw up everywhere that could be seen.You got quite the stare from your parents thinking of how much of a let down you are to your sister.Wow..I can see whyYou slimminy jimmy over to the cupboard and search for some sweet salt.
There's a hole, but no salt.
[[Take it up with the fam]]
[[follow the dirty theif]]You turn around, but see that your jam has slithered out of the jar! You pick up the pepper and decide what to do..
[[Attack]]
[[Abscond]]You slide over to the fam, but none are awake. You fall as a sonic snore snaps through your being. You pass out. You discover later that it was all just a dream.You tumble through the hole and find yourself in the jungle. There's a convenient trail of salt.
[[Follow the salt trail]]
[[Try and go back]]You somehow tumble back up the hole, and find your eggs.
[[eggs]] You track the sweet salt (collected from top teir gamers) throught the jungle, but you smell something in the distance...
[[Revenge]]
[[Smelly Smell]]
You find a dwarf laughing and rolling in your salt!
[[Strife!]]
[[Join the dwarf]]You follow the smell, and close your eyes. You eventually feel tile underneath your feet. You open your eyes, but you're back in your house with a plate of spam in front of you! No eggs in sight!
[[spam]] You kill the dwarf, but the salt is spoiled from the blood! You abandon the salt with a sad heart, but you smell some salty salt in the distance. You find a hole with salt through it. As you steal it, you become the dwarf, and are eventually killed. Good job!You join the dwarf in rolling, and you lose yourself. Salt becomes all you are. You sink deep in the Earth and find your way to the sea. You are eventually distilled from water and become a condiment. But that doesn't end you, you experience the cycle of nature again and again until the heat death of the universe. Good job!You open the pepper, annd scatter it all over the jelly snake! It sizzles and dies. You pump your fist in the air to glorify this glorious moment in combat!
[[back to the eggs]]
[[JELLY FOR THE JELLY THRONE]]You flee from the snake, but it chases you. It lunges for you, and latches onto your leg. But from the sky, a dragon appears! It swoops down and bites your leg off, destroying your house in the process. You're saved!
[[Curse the Dragon]]
[[Praise the Dragon!]]You put the salt and jelly on the eggs. You taste it. It's good, but it needs some salt.
[[Meh]]
[[Swiggity swalt pass me the salt]] You ascend and become the diety of jelly and pepper combat! Thousands glorify you as you sit on your jelly throne! Rivers of pepper are spilt in your name! All learn to fear and praise you!It's fine as it is. No need to antagonize any salt beings.
[[Or is there?]]You decide right then and there to lead a rebellion against salt. Humanity's sodium constructed overlords will stand no longer! You will rain retribution for every life lost to the sodium chloride plague!
[[Realize how stupid this is]]
[[VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!]]Yee, you get back to eating your eggs. Mmmm..Eggs..Armys march to victory against the granular tyrant's salt warriors! Every victory costs millions of lives, but eventually you cut the head off of the salt monarch and gain freedom for the human race!! You are crowned as the new leader of humanity! HURRAH!The dragon cries. It only wanted to help! You monster! You better say sorry!
[[Sorry..]]
[[NO!!]]The dragon preens happily. It then takes you to a land of magic and enchantment. You spend the rest of your days there, very happy.
[[Or do you???]]The dragon chirps happily. It then flies away and leaves you in the ashes of your home.The dragon eats you. Good riddance.During one of the tea parties with one of your fairy friends, you realize how...Dull this is. You look at what your life has become, and wonder what it ammounts to? You decide to-
[[ALL HAIL THE OVERLORD/OVERLADY/OVERPERSON OF EVIL!]]
[[Introduce this world to the internet]]You raise an army of evil being long banished from this world. you sweep across the land, ending the dull peace. You glorify in the chaos you're causing. But one day, a group of heroes bands together and drive your armies back. How do you deal with them?
[[Betrayal]]
[[A dual]]
[[Release an ancient evil]]
As you link the first computer to ever exist in that world to the internet, it starts leaking. Memes drip into reality, both old and new. Dat Bois crystalize out of thin air, How about Dats echo across the mountains, and more. The world becomes submerged in memes. You just caused the apocalypse because you were bored.You get one of the heroes to betray the rest by causing a scandal so large, that no one can ever trust them again. Without the support of the people, the heroes quickly fall and die. Your conquest soon becomes complete as the land falls under your control. But this does not sate your desire, and you turn your gaze to the normal world.
[[Another conquest]]
[[What's more evil than a corporation?]]You step into the arena directly opposite to the heroic champion. You both pause for a moment before you strike. Your blades flash like lightning, sparks occasionally setting bits of wood and grass on fire. You eventually kick your foe in the back, sending them to the ground. You drive your blade towards their chest. But they roll to the side, and cut your leg off. With this disadvantage, the opposing champion quickly lops off your head. Your army flees as your head strikes the ground. Evil should never play fairly.With the aid of this demonic creature, you are able to drive the heroes back. You eventually kill most of them. But then, one day, the creature breaks from your will, kills you, and takes your position as leader. Evil never tolerates something stronger than itself.You attempt to invade the normal world. You conquer America, then everyone launches their nukes. Goodbye world conquest.Only politicians.
[[Be a politician]]
[[Be a CEO]]
You become the leader of the Evil party in the U.S Government. You advocate for poverty, the death of children and animals, and assorted other bad things. To your surprise, you get elected after the Trump administration ended. The reason being that at least you won't be as bad as he was. At least you're competent. You turn America into the first of your conquests to secretly build your dark empire. Eventually, you manage to become head of the U.N. as well. Not because you were the most liked candidate, but because you were the least disliked candidate. You then twist the U.N. into a puppet organization, and begin the ruling of the world. With two worlds under your domination, you turn to the stars. But that's another story.You know how to rule a nation, but you have no idea how to run a company. You shortly go out of business with so much debt that you have to flee back to your kingdom. You decide that the outside world is simply too dangerous and close the connection between your realm and the normal world..Permanently..Chicken Wings? The chicken needs those wings, not the goat! What are you thinking here?? Do you think you can just go and take somebody's arms? Um, nope.Aren't you just soooo creative~ Come on, I know you can think of something more. Plus, you don't want to hurt your goat with Duct Tape. What kind of person are you??Pizza, of course! Next step is to attach the pizza to the goat..What do you use?
[[Hot Glue]]
[[Silly String]]
[[Tooth Paste]]That would hurt too much! Think more clearly please..Silly String! Now you're thinking!
Where do you let your goat lift off?
[[Airport]]
[[Park]]
[[Pool]]
Tooth Paste is for your teeth, not sticking pizza to a goat. The goat in a gonner in your hands. It will be a pancake once you let it on to the airport airway!Your goat will be eaten by a dog...With pizza for wings. Where has your sense gone?Now you're thinking! ;) At the pool, your goat will have a safe place to land. Congratulations, you have gotten your goat to fly! Look at that goat go flyin'!